Just Trying

In one of my previous blogs, I wrote that I would start learning candle making and dress designing this year. I told myself that putting it out there would create accountability.

At that moment, I was overflowing with determination and enthusiasm. Everything seemed possible. But that feeling stayed with me only for that night, after I wrote the blog.

I immediately started looking for ways to learn candle making. I found a course on Udemy for $12.99 and bought it, ready to dive in.. But it was a disaster. The class was badly configured, the video quality was bad, and the lectures and demonstrations were worse.

I was disappointed. But worse than the disappointment was the fear. I didn’t dare to take another course. The familiar anxiety returned, as it always does. Doubt settled in my stomach and started squeezing it.

I thought I would check YouTube to see if I could find anything useful. I found many interesting and informative videos for beginners, and I felt a little relieved. But at the same time, seeing how much work and dedication it takes to get things right scared me.

I keep telling myself, please don’t leave this part of your coloring book empty. I don’t want this to become another thing I quietly walked away from.

Right now, I’m trying to watch or listen to different classes while at the gym or doing chores at home. I don’t have the confidence I had that night when I wrote it.I’m trying anyway, even if it feels different.

For now, I’m just trying to tell myself to keep going, no matter what.