Wandering Through Solitude

Today was the first Saturday in a long time without plans, without anyone to meet.
The morning passed softly. I took a walk with Hershey. I did a few chores and some cleaning. Then, I had an afternoon nap I didn’t even realize I needed.

Everyone around me seems busy in their own worlds. As a single person, when most of your friends are married and moving through different stages of life, staying socially connected takes effort. It’s not that people haven’t reached out, many have. But often, I don’t have the energy to respond in the same way.

At times, I wonder. What if I stop putting in the effort? What if I stop accepting invitations, stop reaching out? I know I would end up alone. But would I feel lonely? I’m not ready to find out.

Even so, there is a quiet reassurance. My sister, my cousins, and my friends may let me be alone if I want. But they will never leave me lonely. They will always be there, in their own way, holding space for me.

And so the day passes, quietly, the questions remain unanswered, and I wander with them anyway.